Hey guys! Today’s post is gonna be a little different than usual. I was flipping through past diary entries, when I fumbled upon this hilarious gem I’d written back in 2013, at 15 years old. Oh, how young and innocent I was back then… Enjoy!
O.M.G. Today something super weird happened- like on the weirdness scale from 1-10, it was probably a 100 (at least for a socially deprived teenage girl like me). So when I was at the gym, I think a college dude was hitting on me. Like actual flirting. WITH ME. And considering that I’m only 15 years old and he’s probably like 20, I have a right to feel weirded out, okay? So anyway, this is what happened.
It was around 9:30 p.m. I was at the gym, just doing my stretches in the stretching area, minding my own business, right? Suddenly, this guy who looked about 20 years old sits down right next to me and starts doing his own stretches. And let me just tell you- this guy was SMOKING HOT. I mean, I wouldn’t date him or anything (and trust me, after what happened I most definitely would never date him), but I’m just putting it out there- he was a total babe. So anyway, I tried to act all nonchalant like I didn’t care about him being just a few feet away from me. But as I continued my stretching routine, I could FEEL his eyes bearing holes through my skin- through my peripheral vision I literally saw his eyes scanning my body. I suddenly felt protective and defensive and jittery and a bit angry. I mean, I’m used to people staring at me while I showcase my “insane” gymnastics flexibility, but seriously, if you are going to stare at me, at least do it less conspicuously, kay? And I wasn’t even sure if he was looking at me because of my gymnastics moves. What if he was, like, looking at me? Like, you know, in the creepy way? There’s really not much to look at, but still. What if this guy was a pedophile or something? I was kind of freaking out inside.
So eventually I decided to look back at this guy. Trust me, I was not checking him out or anything- I just wanted to see what the heck he was looking at. So we made eye contact for a split second, and then I felt myself blush. I have absolutely no idea why I blushed. Like seriously, what is wrong with me? I didn’t even like the guy- on the contrary, I HATED him. Okay, well I didn’t HATE him (I don’t hate on people) but I really didn’t appreciate his constant gawking- it creeped me out. Anyway, once we made eye contact I quickly averted my gaze. The guy probably noticed my flushed cheeks, so I guess he took that as a cue to start talking to me.
Him: “Whoa, you are so flexible. That is so cool. Are you a dancer?”
Omg why are you talking to me? Stop talking to me!
Me: (forcing out a laugh that came out like a giggle) “Haha, thanks. And no. I’m a rhythmic gymnast.”
Seriously Belicia? A giggle?
Him: “Wow that’s so awesome. How long have you been doing it?”
Me: “Ten years. I got injured last year so now I’m in rehab.”
Him: (eyes flickering to my knee brace) “Aw that’s too bad. What happened to your knee?”
Why do you care?
Me: “Patellar tendonitis.”
Him: “Ouch, sounds painful. I have knee problems as well, from wrestling.”
Me: (not really knowing what to say) “Oh, I’m sorry.”
What else should I say? I want the convo to end but now seems like a weird place to end it.
Me: (blurting out the first thing that comes to mind) “So what high school do you go to?”
Him: (looking uncomfortable) “Actually, I’m out of high school. I graduated two years ago. Now I’m a sophomore at Belmont Community College.”
G-R-O-S-S!!! So he’s a college kid hitting on an innocent high schooler? What a creep.
Me: “Oh, that’s cool. I’m a sophomore in high school.”
Uh, cool? More like sickening….
Him: “Really? You don’t look like a sophomore. You look more like a senior.”
Um…. Thanks, I guess???
Me: (stupidly forcing out a laugh that sounded like a giggle) “Haha, seriously?”
Okay, the giggling will just lead him on. Stop giggling for crying out loud!!! Why can’t I stop giggling?
Him: “Yeah, really! So… (looking down) you have a boyfriend?”
OMFG could you be any more obvious??? Just leave me alone!!!
Me: “Um. No, I don’t actually. I really don’t have much of a social life because gymnastics was so time consuming.”
Belicia, you should have lied!!! Now’s he knows you’re available.
Him: “But you said you’re in rehab now.. So you have more time, right?”
Oh… I kinda walked into that one.
Me: (desperately wanting to end the convo) “Well, yeah I guess. But schoolwork is also very demanding, with AP classes and stuff, and I’m taking this super hard Chinese class with a crazy teacher and I volunteer at the hospital after school, so yeah my schedule’s pretty tight now.
There. Suck on that you creep.
Him: (unrelenting) “Oh… well can I at least have your number?”
Are you serious? Can’t you get a clue? Did your mom drop you on the head as a baby? Why can’t you see that I am NOT INTERESTED and I’m just too nice to say so??
Me: (frantically making up an excuse) “I actually don’t have a phone.” *giggle* “Crazy, huh?”
Belicia, your giggling is your tragic flaw.
Him: “Then how will we… you know, keep in touch?”
Me: (thinking, is this guy for real?) “Well you can email me if you want.”
Belicia you are just as stupid as he is!! Why the heck would you suggest email if you don’t even want to talk to him????
Him: “Sure that’ll be great!!”
*we exchange emails, except instead of giving him a fake email I accidentally give him my real one*
Him: (seeing my phone wallpaper) “That’s a really nice picture of you.”
Me: (smiling for some reason even though I want to puke) “Haha, thanks!!”
Him: “So when do you have to go?”
Me: (glancing at clock, seeing that I still have twenty minutes) “I actually have to leave right now.”
Yeah girl, way to tell a lie. Work it!!!
Him: “Aw really?? I’ll walk out with you.”
DUDE JUST GO SUCK YOURSELF OR SOMETHING I DON’T WANT YOU.
Belicia, if you don’t want him to walk with you, just tell him you don’t want him to walk with you. It’s not really that hard….
Him: (holding the door open for me) “Oh, I forgot to ask. What’s your name?”
Me: (racking my brains for a fake name but failing) “Belicia. What’s yours?”
So that’s pretty much the run-down of what happened tonight. I mean, can you believe the nerve of that guy? Corrupting innocent little girls? As you may have already guessed, the italicized words represent my thoughts (in retrospect) on the entire conversation. I just feel so stupid right now!! Why couldn’t I simply tell Clark the Creep that I wasn’t interested AT ALL in going out with him or even being friends with him? I have a mouth, so why can’t I use it? I think that incident illustrates a few things about my personality. 1) I can’t stand up for myself, especially not around members of the opposite gender. 2) When I’m nervous or losing control my body clearly doesn’t listen to my brain. Hence, the unintentional giggling and fake smiling. 3) I don’t have much experience with rejecting guys. 4) I suck at impromptu lying.
When I got home a couple hours ago, I checked my email. And low and behold, I see a new message from Creepy Clark!! I open the email, and it says:
Hey Belicia! This is Clark from PAC. Email me back!
I DON’T email him back. In fact, I deleted the message, blocked him from my contacts, and then as an extra precaution, I deleted my entire email account (don’t worry, I have two email accounts so it’s all good). So now he won’t be able to contact me!! Unless I see him at the gym again…
UGH this sucks! Now I have to constantly be on my guard when I’m at the gym so he doesn’t see me. If he does see me, he’ll probably confront me about the whole email situation and it’ll be WAY too awkward. This really makes me mad because I love going to the gym… It’s kind of my sanctuary and catharsis and place where I feel at home. And now because of Creepy Clark, I don’t even want to go to the gym anymore!! Well of course I want to go to the gym, but not if he’s there… And he told me he goes to the gym quite frequently. URGHH.
So now, as I am writing this entry, I feel a mixture of emotions. I’m angry at him for creeping me out and distracting me from my work out and now ruining my chances of ever enjoying the gym again. I’m angry at myself for not being able to say no when I wanted to! I’m slightly traumatized because the fact that a older guy would want to do something with me scares me and freaks me out. I feel like I’ve lost a bit of innocence today, even though I technically didn’t do anything with him, besides shaking his hand when we parted separate ways. I really want to talk to my mom about what happened but for some reason I can’t get the words out. Maybe I’m trying to forget about the incident and pretend like it never happened. Only whenever I think about the guy, I feel pangs of guilt and dread… I feel like a girl who has just been raped, only to a drastically lesser extent. I don’t know why I feel this way. All I know is that time will help me forget this awful incident, and for now, I should just try and forget.