Thoughts On Leaving For College

Hey guys! As many of you know, I will be starting school at UCLA this fall. AHHHH just saying those words gets me excited/nervous/overwhelmed…

A little timeline of what’s gonna happen between now and mid-September, when school starts:

July 25th- leave for China

VACATION!! SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY OVERSEAS, GET SUPPPEEEER TAN, SHOP IN HONG KONG, CHILLAX BY THE POOLSIDE, AND MUCH MUCH MORE…

August 23rd- return from China

ONE WEEK TO TIE UP LOOSE ENDS BACK HOME, SAY MY GOODBYES, PACK FOR ORIENTATION/COLLEGE, ETC.

August 30th- orientation!!! This is also the day my younger brother, Chris, leaves for school at U of Michigan… There will be a lot of tears, I guarantee it.

MEET MY FUTURE BRUINS, GET MY FALL SCHEDULE SET IN STONE, EXPLORE CAMPUS AND WESTWOOD, EXPLORE THE LA DANCE SCENE, GET ACCLIMATED TO MY NEW HOME AWAY FROM HOME…

September 8th- come back home

LAST MINUTE COLLEGE PACKING! FINAL GOODBYES! OMG!!!

September 15th- MOVE-IN!!!

The journey begins…

 

SO. I really only have between today, July 14th, and July 25th, to bask in the memories of my hometown and spend time with childhood friends. Gosh, this feels so weird… Like I’m watching a film of my life on fast-forward. Everything is happening so fast.

There are a variety of emotions bubbling within me right now. Excitement. I am beyond excited for what UCLA has in store… I’m excited to expand my community of friends, acquaintances, and mentors. I’m excited to get my first taste of freedom away from the sometimes suffocating demands of my parents. I’m eager to grow IMMENSELY during these next four years- not only academically, but also emotionally and spiritually. I want to fill my college adventure with so many things- journalism, marching band, pre-health clubs, research, all sorts of dance clubs (hip-hop, contemporary, etc.), competitive latin dance outside of school, Russian Flagship program, the list goes on. Not to mention keeping a high GPA for med school… This leads me to my second overwhelming emotion- nervousness and anxiety. I want so hard to succeed academically at UCLA… I’m worried about the pre-med courses- physics, in particular- since I did not take all of the AP sciences courses in high school. I’m worried that I’ve raised my expectations for UCLA too high, and I’m setting myself up for disappointment. I’m worried I won’t have time to pursue my myriad of interests. I’m worried because I have no idea where I will be one year from today. I’m scared because, for the first time in my life, I won’t have my brothers close by my side. Which leads me to my third emotion- sadness. The thought that I have a little over a month left with my brother Chris kills me… As I’m writing this, I feel the all-too familiar lump rise in my throat. Chris and I are extremely close… 18 years together, and now we are forced apart- 2,279.6 miles, to be exact. I just wish that time would slow down… That I didn’t take those beautiful moments together for granted… 9pm swims at Bay Club, followed by playful musings in the hot tub where we’d discuss what we’d do during our next China trip; telling our Webkinz-based fantasy story, dubbed “The Legend”, as we’d fall asleep- him on the bottom bunk, me on top (though sometimes we’d like to switch places for the fun of it); evenings spend together in the living room, him practicing piano, me dancing/stretching/conditioning, each absorbed in our own crafts, but still feeling the comforting presence of the other. It’s moments like these I will remember. I just wish it didn’t have to end so soon. This is all too soon… Chris is away in Boston right now for music camp. The house is so quiet and empty without him. A painful reminder that this will be the reality come two months from now… No more Chris. Thankfully, I will have my brother Austin, who is also going to UCLA.

 

So that was my jumbled and discombobulated flurry of thoughts and emotions regarding college- a new chapter of my life that’s just around the corner. I really needed to vent out those feelings that were weighing down on me like cement… like a volcano about to erupt. I feel better after writing this post. I am also comforted by the fact that I am not alone in my crazy emotions during this incredibly exciting, tumultuous time. Most rising college freshmen are feeling this way right now, and it is completely normal. Watch us look back a few months from now, and think, Man was I totally overreacting about college… 

Because life has a funny way of always working out in the end. Promise.

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