Writing To Procrastinate

Good morning, friends! It’s 10:09am as I begin today’s post. I’m sitting inside UCLA’s Bombshelter, South Campus’s premier food court. I can feel the wind blowing from outside, and my thin denim jacket is doing little to block out the cold.

I have discussion at 11:00am and am just killing time by doing some much-needed writing! I really should be studying for my impending exams… but lately I’ve been struggling so hard with motivation, which is quite uncharacteristic of me. I feel relatively prepared for tomorrow’s abnormal psychology exam; gonna do some brush-up studying when I get back to my apartment. My main concern is intimate relationships– I got an 85% on the first exam, which was disappointing. The class is not curved, either, which means that what you get is what you get. The paper was a bit better, at a 92%… but not enough to offset the debacle of my first exam. I need to score near perfect on my final exam if I am to get an A in the class. Shit. Being the darn perfectionist I am, I can’t settle for anything less than an A or A-. Maybe I should change my attitude towards grades. Yes, I want an optimistic future, and good grades will indeed open doors for me. At the same time, though, because I want to pursue a dance career, I don’t necessarily need to get straight A’s in school, as doing so would not serve me as a dancer in any way.

Next topic– boys! I’m so done with them. Lol. I’ve had my fair share of fooling around this past month, and have since concluded that most men don’t deserve me. I am back to focusing on myself, my goals, and the people in my life who mean the most to me. I must temper my 20-year-old hormones and stop jumping at every guy who shows me the least bit of affection. I must develop my self-esteem from the ground up, and learn to stop seeking validation from the outside world.

Honestly, I love writing so much. I find that I’m always in my best mental and emotional state when I’m writing consistently. When I’m in a bad place, I sometimes stop writing, for to do so would be to turn the mirror inwards, giving me a glimpse into my tainted soul. But writing is the very thing that will save me from the dark times! It’s my primary form of catharsis and relief from my depressive lows. I thank God every day for blessing me with such a precious gift.

Ah, what to write about next? Honestly, I’m still talking to you all because I can’t bring myself to study any more. After my discussion, I will head back to my apartment, where I will study until my developmental psychology class at 3:30pm.

The quarter is nearing the end, which warrants a time of reflection. Academically, I was a little bit disappointed with regards to the classes I took this quarter. My favorite topic was social psychology, but unfortunately, I was stuck with a bad professor who, while very sweet, would simply read off the slides during lecture, which was disappointing. Abnormal psychology was interesting as well, but again, same problem– not a great professor. Intimate relationships was alright, but I found that the professor, while extremely knowledgable, oftentimes embarked on tangents during lecture, during which time I’d get lost and zone out. His exams are pretty tricky too; you really have to read the textbook in great detail if you want to do well in the class. Developmental psychology was just disappointing. The class material was dry; it definitely wasn’t what I was expecting. Moreover, the professor wasn’t a very engaging lecturer, though I do appreciate her occasional humorous interjections and anecdotal examples.

All things said and done, I’m glad that this quarter is almost over. It’s been rough emotionally; I feel like I’m almost always guaranteed at least one mental breakdown per quarter, which is pretty lame. I need to regain control over my constantly in-flux moods, and not allow them to take over my life and negatively affect my daily functioning. I would love to get A’s in all my classes, but I’ll live with an A-, and even a B+. The Earth will not shatter, and life will go on.

It is 10:32am now. As much as I love talking to y’all, it’s time to get back to work. Talk to you soon!

 

 

Love,

Belicia

 

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