Gap Year Blog Series: Day 5

Hey y’all! How are y’all doing? It’s currently 11:55pm on this Sunday night. I actually just got back from a date, which I think went pretty well! Summer classes start tomorrow– though I graduated class of 2019 and was able to walk the ceremony, I still have two more requirements to complete before I can receive my official diploma. I am taking Physiological Sciences 5 and Theater 120A, the former being my last GE, and the latter being a random upper division class to fulfill required units.

Today was pretty chill. It was my last day of “vacation” before work and classes ramp up. I took a beginner jazz funk class at Edge Performing Arts Center, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I’m in the process of reading “A Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde, which is a book I’ve always wanted to read. At around 8:00pm, I went on a nice and wholesome dinner date with a guy named Gilbert. He was really sweet, and we ended the night on my rooftop, enjoying the view. While the date went well, I don’t know if I like him enough to see him again. Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

This week is going to be extremely busy. I was called for jury duty on Tuesday, June 25, which means I’ll have to fly back to the Bay on Monday– aka, tomorrow night. I’m going to call in tomorrow and see if I need to go to jury duty, or if I can possibly be exempted. If I have to go to jury duty, I would have classes Monday from 11am-4pm, then fly home at 8pm, have jury duty all day Tuesday, then fly back to LA Tuesday night at 10pm. I have classes again on Wednesday, as well as my first day of work as a dance fitness instructor. Thursday I have work all day at the figure skating rink. Then, on Thursday night at 11pm, my best friend and I are taking a bus back to the Bay, where we will hang out until Sunday. So yeah, rough week ahead. Really hope I don’t need to do jury duty, LOL.

All right, time to head to bed, even though I am not the slightest bit tired. I’ll talk to you guys soon!

 

 

 

 

XOXO,

Belicia

Meeting the “Dancing with the Stars” Pro’s

Hey guys! I have some exciting tea to spill!

Yesterday, I took a Latin ballroom dance workshop at the esteemed LA dance studio, Playground LA. The workshop was hosted by none other than Dancing with the Stars professionals Val Chmerkovskiy and Jenna (Johnson) Chmerkovskiy! Also there were professionals Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Peta Murgatroyd, and Alan Bersten. I was fangirling so freaking hard and managed to say hello to all of the dancers! I even got to dance with Alan Bersten briefly! The highlight of the workshop (besides learning the awesome cha-cha dance) was when Maks gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek, after I waved at him maniacally and gave him a high-five.

I was a little bit sad when it came time for groups to perform. Jenna hand-picked ladies from the class to perform for the camera, and I really wanted to do it. I thought I was good enough to perform in front of everyone. However, Jenna didn’t pick me. I want to believe it was just because she didn’t see me in the crowd. But my insecurities set in, and I wondered if it was maybe because I wasn’t good enough, or didn’t have the “look” to be in front of a camera. Oh well… I’m still grateful for learning the dance and having a blast!

It’s 8:50am right now. I woke up early in the morning and started crying because it finally hit me that I have graduated college! They were bittersweet tears of relief, nostalgia, and fresh fear of the uncertainty that the future holds. I still can’t believe college flew by, just like that. It was such a roller coaster, but I honestly would not change a single thing– even the lowest lows– because all these moments have shaped me into the person I am today.

I don’t have much planned for today, other than attending another dance workshop at Playground. It’s a heels dance workshop at 4pm, taught by celebrity dancer Marissa Heart. Super excited!

Alrighty, friends. Time for me to do some reading. I’m gonna pick up the book A Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. I started the book but never ended up finishing it. Man. When was the last time I even read a book, cover to cover? It’s been too long! Okay, I’ll talk to you guys soon!

 

 

 

 

XOXO,

Belicia

Gap Year Blog Series: Day 1

Good afternoon, everyone! It’s currently 1:36pm on this cloudy Tuesday morning. Had a pretty productive morning– fit in a run and a workout earlier, learned some new dance choreography via my good friend YouTube, and called maintenance over to fix our clogged kitchen sink.

Gap years are often called “growth” years. It’s not a time to just screw around and waste your life away. Yes, of course, a big reason why students take gap years is to relax and recharge after experiencing burnout from undergrad. But a gap year should also be a time to grow yourself in some dimension, whether it’s traveling the world, gaining professional work experience, or focusing on personal passion projects. The way I see it, a gap year is a form of education in itself. It’s an out-of-classroom learning experience. A transition from student life to post-grad life. Oftentimes, when you are stuck in the insular environment of college for 3-4 years, you tend to lose sight of the fact that there is indeed a world beyond classes, exams, drinking, partying, and hook-up culture. I definitely lost perspective on the bigger picture. I also lost a big part of myself while at UCLA– the self-disciplined, focused, passionate Belicia who worked hard each day for her goals. A big part of my gap year will be devoted to getting back on track, straightening myself out, cutting out the bad habits and temptations, and living my best life once more. Heck, I’m thinking of rejoining the Mormon church, so I can be surrounded by a wholesome community who will help me get back on track.

I found that I’ve been writing less and less frequently on this blog, especially these past two academic quarters. That lack of daily self-reflection has honestly taken a toll on my well-being. I am no longer living with a calming sense of clarity. I feel like I don’t really know who I am anymore, as I am so different from the person I used to be, before UCLA. Some of that change is good, but some of it is really toxic and unhealthy. For instance, my lifestyle. I’ve gained a considerable amount of weight from stress-eating and not exercising every day and drinking/partying too much. I am currently in the worst shape of my life, both physically and mentally. It’s easy to point to college and college culture as the scapegoat, but really, all of my actions and choices were in my control this whole time. It’s my fault I chose to go down a toxic path, and it’s up to me and only me to change my direction.

Warren Buffett once said, “Write down your top 25 goals. Draw a circle around your top 5. Focus on those, and say no to the rest.” Here are my top 5 goals for my “growth” year.

1. Live a healthier lifestyle. This means getting back my physical shape, cutting out alcohol, meditating, doing yoga, sleeping early and waking up early, and staying away from toxic people who don’t serve me.
2. Take care of mental illness. Meaning, finding a bipolar specialist and attending regular therapy sessions. Staying on my meds. Practicing mindfulness meditation every day for 20 minutes. Checking in with myself regularly to see if I’m doing okay.
3. Get back into dancing. I think I started losing myself the minute I stopped dancing as a hobby. I miss the feeling of getting hooked onto a passion and waking up each morning with intention and eagerness to continue improving. As scary as it may be, I think I need to get back into Latin ballroom dancing to feel like myself once more.
4. Become financially independent. My dad is retiring next week, which means I need to start supporting myself. I need to pay my own rent, at the very least, and cut down on unnecessary spending.
5. Continue writing. Voraciously. This is a given. I love writing so much, and like with dance, once I stop writing regularly, I feel like a big part of me is missing. I’m actually planning on writing a book (I know, it’s been my goal for a long long time). And now that I’m out of college, I will finally have time to do so! I’d say, working on the book for an hour or two a day is enough to get started.

So, there you have it! My top 5 goals for the immediate and long-term future. I will make it my purpose during this growth year to tackle these goals, and ultimately get back to living my best life. I’m getting started today– I’ll be taking a Latin ballroom dance workshop taught by Val and Jenna from Dancing with the Stars! Super pumped to meet and learn from such great dancers. I’m sure I will walk away super inspired!

I’ll talk to you guys later. Happy Tuesday and keep on growing each day!

 

 

 

XOXO,

Belicia

I Graduated from UCLA (and got dumped by a guy)!!!

Hey y’all! How are you guys doing? My life this past week has been pretty ordinary… eating, sleeping, studying, doing laundry… oh, and get this—I GRADUATED FROM UCLA!

Commencement was this past weekend. My parents drove down to LA on Thursday and attended my Friday and Saturday commencement ceremonies. Friday was the College of Letters and Sciences ceremony (the one people pre-game and drink before), while Saturday was the psychology department one (where you actually get to walk). It definitely was a time of great celebration and joy, and I’m honestly still processing it all!

So how have my first couple days of post-grad life been treating me, you may well ask? Well, in all honesty, it got off to a pretty rough start. Last night, I got “dumped” by a guy I had been seeing for a few weeks. That’s actually the topic of my blog today. My experience of being dumped.

Let’s call this guy “Ben”. He’s a PhD math student at UCLA, and I met him at a bar in Westwood a couple weeks ago. We hit it off and saw each other on and off for the past fortnight, and I honestly was starting to like him a lot.

Then, last Wednesday, I met up with him, and he told me about a past girl in his life who had just returned to LA. I was a little shaken, upon hearing this, but he reassured me that it was “no big deal” and a complete “whatever”. So I brushed it off. That night, we made plans to meet a few days later, on Saturday night. Sounds good, right?

Come Friday morning at 2am, I texted him to confirm our meeting for the following day. He replied, “yea, definitely”. Saturday at 6pm, however, he texts me and says, “Hey, can we actually reschedule? I partied too hard last night and feel like death right now.” I thought that was totally sketch and was pretty disappointed, but I simply replied, “Hey, no worries I hope you feel better! Let me know when you want to reschedule!” And that was that.

Sunday night, my friends and I continued our celebratory activities at Rocco’s Tavern. When I walked in, I saw Ben sitting alone at the bar. So I approached him. Except this time, instead of smiling and greeting me warmly, he stayed at his seat, looking completely aloof. I said hi to him, and he greeted me back with a lukewarm, half-hearted wave. At this point, I had already suspected something was up. The past few days, he had been texting me less and less frequently, and when I told him that I graduated college, he merely replied, “oh hey, congrats!” So I knew something was wrong. My suspicions were confirmed when I started talking to him last night. He wasn’t making eye contact with me, and did very little talking. Somehow, we got onto the topic of the girl from his past who had resurfaced in his life. Long story short, he basically told me that he preferred her over me, and was going to choose her. Humiliated, I bade him a heartbroken farewell and left the bar, in tears.

So that was last night. Today was really rough, as all first days after heartbreak are. But, I’m happy to say that with the help of supportive friends and family, I’m ending the day doing alright. Ben is just one fish in a sea of many. And honestly, it’s his loss that he chose her over me. I’m sure she’s a great gal… but he definitely missed out all I had to offer. Lol.

I’m about to head to bed, so I will talk to you all later. Just thought I’d share my experience. I’m still hurting a little right now, but I know I will be okay.

 

 

 

 

 

XOXO,

Belicia