Hello, dear friends! Hope you are all doing well today. It’s currently 12:26pm on this Thursday afternoon. I am sitting in my room, both bored and antsy out of my mind… so I decided to write this post!
So. As you can tell by the title of today’s blog, it seems that I have been diagnosed, yet again, with ANOTHER mental health condition. Anxiety, depression, bipolar. What else can there possibly be? Well, let me give you a rundown of the symptoms I’ve been experiencing and see if you can guess which condition it is.
The past few weeks, I’ve been completely restless beyond belief. It’s different from acute or prolonged anxiety and worry precipitated by a big life event. It’s not mania, as my environment is the stablest its been in a while, and I’m taking my medications as prescribed.
It’s an inability to focus on even the simplest of daily tasks. My mind is going at 100 miles a minute, almost every second of the day. Tuesday morning is a case in point. I woke up at 5:00am, eager to get the day started. I drove to the nearest Starbucks to get some writing done for my website. 20 minutes into writing my article, my mind wanders elsewhere, to looking for jobs. I open another tab on my computer screen and start my Linkedin dive. Apply to one job. Decide that’s enough for a day. Jump back to my website and continue writing. Then, I remember that I plan on taking my GRE in March. Gotta start studying! So I whip out my GRE test prep book and begin reading the overview of the exam. Can barely get through the first chapter when my mind circles back to the article I was writing 30 minutes earlier. At the end of the day, despite my best efforts, my restless mind hinders me from getting work done. So many goals, but no longer do I have the follow-through, which is strange, considering how disciplined I’ve been my whole life.
At first, I thought this inability to focus was simply me slacking off. So I tried my best to gain back my discipline, scheduling each minute of the day with some task or another. Again, my efforts were futile. What worried me most, though, was when I couldn’t even sit down long enough to watch a 50-minute episode of the new Netflix series, “Spinning Out”. I am super intrigued by the series, which centers around the world of competitive figure skating. Despite my enthusiasm, I could barely bring myself to watch 10 minutes of the episode before getting distracted by something else.
I contacted my psychiatrist after the symptoms persisted for a couple weeks. She replied my message, saying that a pharmacist would reach out to me to discuss the possibility of putting me on Adderall. Today, I spoke on the phone with the pharmacist, who told me that my symptoms could be a sign of ADHD. However, I must meet with my psychiatrist before starting a new medication regimen, as she has the final say on mental health diagnoses.
So, friends… what is it, then? Anxiety, depression, bipolar I/II, or ADHD? Mental health is super tricky, as there’s so much gray area and overlap between different disorders. At this point, I’m not even surprised that I may potentially have ADHD. I’ve had some people in my life suspect that I have this condition, but have yet to have a mental health professional confirm it. I simply wonder how I got through K-12 and sped through college if I had such a condition. Anyway, I am looking forward to speaking with my psychiatrist about this topic. I’ll be seeing her next Monday morning, after which I’ll have more answers.
Stay tuned for more, dear readers!